How to Book a World Tour While You’re Buck Naked

The most important thing is clarity. Your options are endless but your life is finite. 

I don’t want to decieve you—none of this is as easy as it looks.  I am assuming that you make good music and you’re putting on a live show that people will enjoy. This article offers no advice on either of those topics.

You Still Have to Aim a Shotgun

Believe it or not, different cities are different.  It’s true that no matter what you do, you will find fans in a big enough city.  However, it costs real money to get anywhere in the US, and you want to get the biggest possible return on that investment.  You want to be aiming your shotgun at markets full of receptive audiences—cities with an existing scene that compliments what you’re doing. 

There’s two distinct schools of thought for touring—some folks will tell you to gradually spiral out and build your base geographically, expanding out from wherever you are.  I happen to think that’s somewhere between outdated and retarded. I recommend the surgical strike method: identify the cities and markets that are most likely to dig what you do, and go there, no matter how far away “there” is.  We’re all competing in one big global economy, so go where your niche will be most profitable.  (Or go broke and be miserable, your call.)

As a firsthand example, I’m currently on tour in the Bay Area of California with Las Vegas legend Devastate.  We’re both in awe of the response we’re getting out here: this is a vastly more receptive and enthusiastic area than my home state of Vermont.  For comparison, the population of Vermont is 600,000 people—the population of the greater bay area is over 7 million people.

Have you ever taken stock of your fan base?  I was definitely surprised by what I found out—for instance, 50-70% of my fan base is not in my home state of Vermont.  In fact, it’s not even on the East Coast.  Most of the people who are really into what I do live on the West Coast—Washington, Oregon and California.  For this exact reason, 2008 will see me pulling up my backwoods roots and moving out here on a full-time basis. 

Traveling Without Moving

You want to know everything about the cities you’ll be playing at.  You need to study the local scene: who is playing shows, and what venues are catering to your target audience? In 2008, nearly every city in the United States has a local independent weekly paper, which will be full of valuable information.

However, you don’t even have to leave the house. MySpace has made this phase of the operation shamefully simple.

It’s as easy as getting a zip code.  You just need to define your area, your genre, and hit “update.”

The list that comes up is your very own skeleton key to the music scene in a city you’ve never been to.  You want to find local acts who compliment your style and your sound, and already have a strong local following.  Since you’re not in a position to waltz into town and be a headline act with posters all over the city, you need to build strategic alliances.  This is an industry euphemism for begging total strangers for an opening slot at their next big gig.

NOTE: if you’re consistently being turned down, this is valuable feedback.  It indicates there’s something wrong with your approach and your presentation.  Do you have you best songs up?  Does your promo material make you look professional and friendly?  Are you selling yourself short—or possibly coming off as an arrogant prick?  This kind of self-assessment should be second nature if you plan on remaining successful in 2008.

Contacting Total Strangers

Be polite and lay out everything in a single paragraph.  Nobody wants to read your life story, nobody wants to read anything but relevant and useful information.

You need to know exactly what kind of music you do and what kind of audience you want to reach.  You need to have a realistic sense of your fanbase in the cities you want to play. Having realistic goals and being honest with everyone you contact is the only way to go.  I repeat: the only way to go.  If you misrepresent yourself, you will only create an awkward situation and burn bridges you just built.

If you’re asking for a favor, be humble about it.  Be prepared to play for free, too.  If you’re making your debut in a faraway city where you’ve got zero clout, there’s no other way to get started. 

NOTE: Based on personal experience, I consider a 5% response rate to be pretty damn good.  In other words, 95% of the people I contact never even get back to me.  Most folks I talk to have had similar margins.  This clearly means that you need to go overboard on contacting people in order to get decent results.  This does not mean you need to contact every single promoter in the US.  Take the time to customize your pitch and learn about who you’re contacting.  If you’re doing hip hop and emailing someone who books metal shows, you’re wasting your life.

Promoters vs. Hustlers

In the past 4 years, I have dealt with only a few real promoters.  I’ve dealt with way more “promoters,” more accurately known as hustlers. Your experience will be much the same.  Real promoters make real promises, do real work and make real money.  If you’re not making real money and consistently selling out the venues you play at, don’t expect real promoters to care about you.  You are not worth it to them, and they do not owe you anything.

So in the meantime? Get used to dealing with hustlers. Your goal is to reach new people, and like it or not, you have to deal with gatekeepers in order to do that.  You need to build a track record in order to step to the real promoters.  This is not merely a list of “famous people I’ve opened for”—this is a detailed and organized resume of your career to date.  This is a portfolio of the kind of effort you’re willing to put in promoting your gigs.

There’s really no way to fake this.  It’s called “paying dues” and I highly recommend it. 

I really wish I could tell you there are shortcuts, but I’m not aware of any.

Google Maps

If you’re booking a tour, the single most valuable tool you’ve got is 100% free. You need to plan out your route to an obsessive level of detail.  I could repeat that sentence five times and still not convey how much homework you need to do on this end.  If you’re not making it to your gigs on time, you’ve defeated the entire purpose of the tour. 

Booking the gigs is the easiest part. Actually doing the gigs is a non-stop living proof of Murphy’s Law.  General rules:

1. Always allow a 4-5 hour pad for power naps.  If your schedule requires you to be on the road for more than 10 hours, this is a potentially dangerous situation.  Budget time in case you need to pull over and sleep.  As a general rule, if you’re tired enough to sleep in the car, you should. Don’t romanticize being a road warrior: if you fall asleep behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, you will fucking die. This tends to complicate the rest of the tour.

2. Always allow a 1-2 hour pad for arriving at the venue.  If you plan on arriving “right on time,” this is specifically asking the Universe to humble you. 

In the course of preparing this article, I’ve been shocked by how many people are unaware of how powerful Google Maps can be.  You can, in fact, plan out your entire tour itinerary without ever leaving this application.  Upon loading Google Maps, you’re presented with a map of the continental US and a search bar.  Beneath it, you’ve got three options—choose “Get Directions” and plug in the first part of your tour. 

Once your directions come up, all you need to do is scroll down to the bottom and select “Add Destination.” You can do this for the rest of the night—laying out everything from extended weekends to 3 month coast-to-coast expeditions.

Note that you can also plan detours by simply clicking and dragging the route line over to whatever city or highway you want.  Yeah, that is pretty handy.

What I Didn’t Say

Do you have a dependable vehicle?  Do you have a AAA card?  Do you have a GPS navigation system?  Do you have somewhere to sleep in every city you plan on playing a show in?  Are you depending upon payments from venues that might never actually materialize?  Do you really have enough money for gas? Do you have merchandise to fund the daily operational costs?  Are you bringing too many people?  Do you have backup equipment for when—not if—something fails right before, or during, a show?  Do you have all the nescessary cables and wires, or are you being hilariously naive and expecting the clubs to provide them for you?  Have you taken into account any and all health problems and the complications they might cause? 

I know that quite a number of working musicians are reading Audible Hype these days—I’m very grateful to know this is useful.  I would very much appreciate anyone with experience and advice—or corrections and hostile criticism—to add to the mix.  You can leave a comment here, or contact me directly.  Thanks in advance.