First of all, I gotta give some props to an inventive solution on hosting—take a look at the squeeze page:

http://myhiphop.bestconsumersite.com/

Been showing up on google ads for Audible Hype lately...I was curious what the hosting was all about, and I got some serious LULZ when I saw this shit:

http://www.bestconsumersite.com/

It’ll probably be patched before anyone but me and Malakai read this, but it means that free domain parking on godaddy doesn’t extend to subdomains. In other words, this dude did the free option with Godaddy then indexed a subdomain and how there’s no branding, no ads, no pop-ups.  It looks like he’s got real hosting!  Slick.

But, fuck this dude.

Frank Jacob Wortwitzstein—simple google search shows it’s as fake as it sounds, nobody even has that last name outside of this squeeze page sales pitch.

It’s a very sloppy pitch with some hilarious gaffes, like this fucktard mixup:

http://www.audiblehype.com/img/thats_not_pharrell.jpg

Inspired by a recent Dosh Dosh article, though, it dawns on me that although this is a sloppy pitch, it contains useful gems.

Specifically, the list of questions it includes—this reflects how people will actually be phrasing the search queries they use to find...well, nothing useful these days, but Audible Hype is trying to change that.  It contains a lot of restatements of the same basic phrase, but that’s what keyword marketing is all about:

Our Step by Step Rap Record Label Guide includes These many Features & Benefits to you…
Getting radio play!
How to market your release?
Where to press up your CDs?
How to get it into stores?
How to choose a lawyer?
How to copyright your music?
How to own your own masters? (Masters and publishing are the valuable assets of your product)
How to find a distributor?
How to sell outside the US?
How to set up a promotional tour?
How to get a bar code?
What BDS and Sound Scan are and why you want and need them?
How to avoid costly mistakes?
How to get people to buy your CDs?
Start A Record Label from Scratch?
How to make Record Industry Contacts?
How to become a SUCCESS in the music Biz?
How to Write up A business Plan For Your Own Record Label?
How to Legally Setup Your Own Record Label?
How to Legally Trademark, Copywrite and protect your Music?
How to secure & Sign The Hottest Artist Around
How to Find & Scout Talent On and offline

It’s my kind of black humor: since the vast majority of hip hop artists I’m asking point blank are unable to tell me what they want to know, I’m turning to the scam artists to find out.  I dig it.